Expectation hurts a lot | Dukh ka kaaran | The Journey called 'LIFE'

Hello Readers,

I’m Priya; your fellow traveller in this journey called ‘LIFE’. Aaj iss article ko read karne ke bad apko pta lagega ki apki life me jo bhi dukh or pain hai unka root cause kya hai, or kese aap unhe improve kar ke ek painless satisfied life jee sakte ho.

Cause of Pain & Sorrow:- Humare poore lifetime me bahut se relations hote hain. Inme se kuch relations humare birth ke time se hi ban jate hain (e.g.:- blood relations); toh kuch hum khud banate hain (e.g.:- friends, life-partner etc.). But in relations ke sath ek sabse jyada dangerous word connected hota hai vo hai- EXPECTATIONS.

expectation hurts

Life me expectations hona normal hai. Jab tak hum zinda hain tab tak ye expectations rehti hi hain (e.g.:- parents ko baccho se, kisi ko apne friend se, workplace par employees ko boss se, like life ke har field me etc.). But aksar hum apne relations me dusre person se kuch unrealistic expectations rakh lete hain. Or jab vo poori nahi hoti hain; toh iss situation me hume ek rejection or disrespect ki feeling hoti hai jisse hum bahut jyada hurt hote hai or sath hi vo relation & bonding bhi kahin na kahin weak hone lagti hai.
Second reason hai, apka mann. Agar koi kaam apke mann ke according ho jata hai toh aap khush, or nahi hua toh aap dukhi ho jate ho. Actual me jo aap apni life se chahte hain; vo agar nahi milta hai; toh aap pareshan ho jate ho, or bevajah tension lene lagte ho. Jisse stress, anxiety or depression create hota hai.
Third reason hai, apka 'I' follow based concept ke according life ko jeena. Hum poori life apne belief system ke according jeete hain. E.g.:- kisi topic se related jo apka point of view hai, apko only vahi right lagta hai. Iss situation me agar koi person apke point of view se match karta hai; toh vo apko sahi lagta hai. But agar kisi ne apse alag uss topic par apna point of view rakha; toh apko vo ek dum wrong lagta hai. Iss vajah se bhi relations me confliction create hota hai.

breaking relationship

Basically ap iss universe ko only apne knowledge or experiences ke base par hi dekhte ho. Or jha apke ye facts match ni hote hain vha apke relations bhi gradually spoil hone lag jate hain. And ye baat apko humesha hurt krti hai; or mann me bahut se questions khade kar deti hai ki koi apko kyu samaj nahi pata hai, kya log apse pyar nahi karte, kya aap unke liye importance nahi rakhte ya apke andar koi kami hai etc. In sab baato ke chalte apko dukh or depression ke alawa or kuch nahi milta.

Ways to relieve Pain & sadness:-

1^st, apko apne belief system ko expectations ki jagah acceptance based banana hoga. Isme aap dusro se apne jesa hone ki expectation rakhne ki jagah, vo jese hain unhe ussi form me accept kroge. Because har insan ek dusre se har tareeke se different hai. Unka environment, upbringing, schooling, culture, lifestyle, experiences etc. sab kuch different hota hai. Toh itne saare differences ke hote hue, aap kisi se kese expect kar sakte ho ki jo apka point of view hai; vo same dusre person ka bhi hoga.

Even jab humare dusre logon ke sath chote-chote like-dislikes hi match ni karte, toh hum kese kisi se same thinking hone ki expectations rakh lete hain. Ho sakta hai ki apko kisi baat ko lekar kuch sahi lage and same baat ke liye dusre person ko kuch or sahi lage. But yha apka sahi hona; iss baat ko prove nahi karta ki dusre person ka point of view wrong hai.
Maybe uss dusre person ka point of view ka base; apke point of view ke base se alag ho. But aksar hum iss situation me samne wale person ko galat prove karne me lag jate hai. Jisse relations me conflict hone lagte hain. Iska solution yahi hai ki; apko uss person ko wrong prove nahi karna hai. Apko ye samjhna hoga ki yha ek right or ek wrong point of view nahi, balki do different right point of views hain.
And ye baat totally logical hai ki do logon ke apni thinking ke according do alag results ho sakte hain. Hume bas dusre person se apne jesi thinking hone ki expectation rakhne ki jagah; usse as it is uski apni thinking ke sath accept karne ki jarurat hai. Isse apke relation me ab disrespect or rejection ki jagah respect or acceptance hogi. Jo ki ek strong bonding or relation ke liye foundation ka work karti hai.
2^nd, apko life ki reality ko samajhna hoga ki; iss duniya me koi bhi insan sirf apko khush rakhne ke liye ya apki desires ko pura karne ke liye nahi hai. Ye duniya or iske log apke according chale; ye baat totally impossible hai. Yha sabko apni life, apne tareeke se jeena pasand hai. Even aap khud bhi yahi chahte ho ki koi apki life me interfere na kare. To fir aap dusro ke case me esa kyu soch lete ho; ki vo apke according apni life jeena chahenge. Jese apko apni life me interfere nahi pasand, vese dusre logon ko bhi ye baat bilkul acchi nahi lagti. Jab aap kisi ke according nahi ban sakte; toh koi kyu apke according banega.
3^rd, logon se expectations rakhne ki jagah; apko apne goal or dreams se expectations rakhni hogi. Kyuki jab aap logon se kuch expect karte ho or vo unhe poori nahi kar paate hain; to aapko bahut hurt hota hai or aap andar hi andar toot jaate ho. But jab aap apne goal se expectations rakhoge; toh ye expectations apko uss goal ko achieve karne me continuously inspire karegi. Or sath hi har uss naye tareeke ko search karne me bhi apki help karegi; jiske through aap apna goal achieve kar paoge; or apne liye ek behtar future bana paoge. Because apne dreams se ki hui expectations apko kabhi todti nahi hai. Balki apko courageous banati hain.
In sab solutions ko padne ke baad apke mind me kuch questions aayenge; ki kya fir hum kisi se choti si bhi umeed nahi laga sakte, ya hume apne saare relations tod dene chaiye, kya hum kisi se koi rishta hi na banaye. Iska ek hi solution hai ki; apko iss life me rehkar har relation acche se nibhana toh hai; but uss relation par apni khushi ya dukh ki dependency nahi banani hai.

what to do

E.g.:- jese ek boat paani me chalti hai. But kabhi bhi uss paani ko apne andar nahi aane deti. Because agar paani andar aaya to boat doob jayegi. Same apko apni life me bhi apply karna hai. Aap iss duniya me relations to banao or aache se unhe nibhao bhi, but kisi ki reality jaane bina; usse jhooti umeed mat rakho. because ye jhooti umeed apko paani ki tarah pain or guilt me duba degi.

Because expectation rakhte time vo choti ho ya badi; but poora na hone par vo humesha badi ho jati hai. Or fir hurt bhi bahut karti hai. So logo se kuch bhi expect mat karo. Basically expect na karne ka matlab hai ki; aap apna pura focus apne kaam pe lagao. Aap vo karo jo aapko accha lagta hai. Because iss life me apke liye sabse jyada kuch importance rakhta hai; toh vo hai apke dil ki khushi.

happy heart happy soul

Aapke relations ki value alag hai; but sabse jyada apke andar ki khushi matter karti hai. Agar aap andar se hi khush nahi ho; to fir kya fayda in relations ka. Ek bar logon se umeed rakhna band kar ke; apne masti me kaam kar ke dekho, ek bar khush rehne ke liye jee ke dekho… na keval apke life ke kafi dukh kam honge; balki apke relations bhi ek better understanding ke sath pehle se jyada strong honge.

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THANKS for Reading.

My other blogs:- 1. how to stop overthinking | overthinking se kaise bache

2. causes of overthinking | overthinking ke karan